01 Mar How To Deal With Last-Minute Wedding Jitters in Six Steps
A majority of people tend to overthink a lot.
Although overthinking is something that is already becoming a habit for most people lately, especially in small decision-making situations or in wondering what to reply to your waitress when she asks if there’s anything more she can help you with, overthinking in your wedding day might or might not be a huge red warning label that could cause a lot of stress, anxiety, and cold feet that would make you want to bolt out of the altar as fast as possible.
Future brides and grooms welcome to this scary feeling which is famously known as ‘last-minute wedding jitters’ and learn how to deal with in such a short time.
1. Tell your friend to prepare a lot of comfort-inducing stuff.
The best thing one can do in an LMWJ (or last-minute wedding jitters) is to prepare for it.
Face it: when you’re dressed up and all ready to go into the unknown, whether you’re in front of the mirror or at the toilet taking the last bathroom break as a single person in the eyes of whatever constitution you’re marrying into, you’ll find yourself blanking out, and thinking of nothing except what-if’s and oh no’s.
This is where your dearest friends come in. Let them prepare all your sweet and spicy indulgences– aka junk food, tissues — if you’re planning to bawl your eyes out and ruin your makeup, which you probably will, chocolates, or handkerchiefs you can twist and wring and strangle to keep yourself from doing it to a living person.
It’s better to prepare for situations that don’t happen than to have nothing prepared for situations that will happen.
2. Pinpoint or narrow down your numerous fears into a couple of questions.
Currently, or by the time you’re overthinking, your mind will already be shooting questions after questions in every direction and you’re having trouble arranging them, so you get stuck with overflowing words. This feeling disturbs emotional stability, so a little warning, your eyes are probably gonna become Niagara Falls 2.0.
Thus, it is stressed that you should take a deep breath, maybe a few more, to calm yourself down and think straight. Acknowledge the fact that you’re overthinking. Don’t deny it as it’ll lead to self-doubts and regrets later as you walk or wait down the aisle or as you say your vows.
Try to have a neater list and focus or group similar concerns that you’d really like to highlight. If you’re worried about the wedding venues and cakes, that can be listed as, “What if something goes wrong in the wedding decor?” There are also more questions that would need to be considerately deliberated on, and these questions are specifically about being ‘ready’ in terms of lifestyle transition, which will be discussed further.
3. Take that ‘what-if’ into a simpler question answerable by ‘Yes’ or ‘No.’
Instead of asking yourself, “What if the cake will topple over and suffocate someone?”, it’s better to ask yourself, “Will the cake topple over and suffocate someone?” — which can be easily answered with, “As long as your cake isn’t modeled after the Leaning Tower of Pisa, then no one really thinks so.” There are also what-if’s on tripping over your dress, but hey, at least it would make for an embarrassingly funny story your partner can tell your grandchildren about!
But of course, on a serious note, there are more crucial, red-alert questions that happen last-minute which you’d have to thank your brain for. “Am I ready for this?” This question actually opens whole new anxiety that ranges from innocent, heart-warming concerns to hair-raising, uh-oh ones. The former is usually about not being a good partner, parent, or just a plain transition of a single life to one with strings and possible wing-clippers. Change is indeed a scary thing, and we can’t deny that.
But there are, like I said, uh-oh ones. These are mostly questions that I prefer should be something you’d have to have a clear mind while deciding on, possibly with your partner or confidant. Why? These concerns start from “Am I ready to be with someone who has a brand-new side I didn’t realize existed until recently?” to even, “Am I ready to get married when I’m in love with someone else?”
Like I said, uh-oh.
4. Set aside these questions, and ask yourself why you’re getting married, and why to that specific person.
In the midst of all the sudden pressure that overthinking caused, it would in your best welfare to remember why you decided to be in that wedding suit in the first place. It’s definitely inevitable for people, shoutout to the pessimists, to dwell on the bad side of things, which is why it’s important to have a balance of mind. When you’re already doubting yourself or your partner, it would really help if you try to reminisce about the past, about how you guys got engaged, or the accumulation of the little things that made you realize that you actually took that person seriously enough to willingly spend the rest of your life with them.
To those who are getting married to the people who you’ve gone through thick and thin with, well, lucky you. You can easily rewind your memories of those hard moments in life and how your partners have always stayed right by your side. But there are also some people who marry because of the pressure from your aunties and mothers in thanksgiving parties or because of how sweet and romantic your ‘honeymoon’ phase of a relationship was. Bummer, but it would be in your best interests to look deeper on what made you like that person. Look at the good side, look at the bad. Don’t try to blind yourself. If the person starts off as sweet and loving but actually has temper issues and violent tendencies, you might have to think twice now.
Go back to your question, and answer them. Decide if you want more time to think things through, or go with the flow.
Now that you’ve highlighted both good and bad sides to marrying ‘the one’, ask yourself if you’ve already settled the concerns you’ve asked a few moments ago. Have you finally learned to accept that the wedding cake won’t fall or that even entertaining sexual thoughts on a gorgeous best man or bridesmaid are a sign of marital infidelity even when you’re not married yet?
It takes us a minute to order food from a restaurant and even a month to decide what college we’re going. So don’t be ashamed or worried if you find yourself asking for more time to think things through with your partner — who you’ll be living and having children with. Stuff like this needs more attention, more time, and should definitely not be rushed, even if you’re already in your wedding suit.
Understand that a marriage certificate is not something you can rip and things will be back to before. It is a serious matter, and if you’re honestly feeling unsure, then it would be in the best interest of both parties to postpone the marriage.
Marriage isn’t just about it being a requirement, or maybe a ritual that people should accomplish if they don’t wanna end up like an old cat geezer. It’s about appreciating the nice values and accepting the flaws of your partner, at the same time trying to improve to be a better version of yourselves. And if ever you find yourself regretting that you married the person due to tendencies of domestic abuse — because cases like this can only be found out after you are married — then there are always options for annulment, divorce, and legal separation.
One important way to deal with last-minute wedding jitters is to keep calm so you can carefully think things through. And when you do, it would best if you can walk out of your dressing room and into another chapter of your life with confidence and maturity. Remember, no relationship is perfect. But you can turn every imperfect relationship into something that you definitely learn from and into memory you’d smile on when you remember it.